It's been a while....

I think I have forgotten how to use this tool.  HA! It's been so long!

Sometimes, I let time pass on too many things in life, at work, with my kids, with extended family, with friends, MY MEMORY, the list goes on! 

I handled a phone call a little-less-like I would have liked.  If only I had time to think about what I was hearing, so I could have responded in a manner that would have gotten my point across without all the dislike that is flying around.  I don't understand why I can't simply recall the matter-at-hand on the comments given to me?  I would have handled the "unpleasant situation", as it was called in a converstaion with the subject party, things would have ended differently, instead of typically!  Grrr...

At the same time, I'm tired of the control issues that are laid before me, caused by me, and for me.  1) my control of being able to talk with my child at any given moment, when I am thinking of them!  2) my lack of control to believe that I can't always talk with them when I, or they, need!  3)  my lack of control over my concern that others try to control me through their silly rules of control.  4) Me controling myself! HA!

I must say, when the phone was handed to me on Sunday, I really didn't want to talk! That voice that comes across the line bites me in the watch-out-I'm-going-to-explode-in-one-minute-thrity-nine-seconds-nerve to begin with. Then the complaining about A's phone policing, not liking my suggestion, him saying that he has to talk with the spouse, then it's I don't think the kids can come, because last time 10 other peole were there with them and not just her because of her phone! [Which I can understand when it comes to friends this year because she is a phone junky and would really have 10 other people there with her while she is gone!] Then he goes on about how every time he turned around A was on the phone with GG complaining to her or on the phone with me complaining to me! I responded with "It wasn't like that T!" (recalling his "issues" with my kid's relationsthip with their GG and the phone issue with that last year) I WANTED TO REACH THROUGH THE PHONE AND SLAP HIM RIGHT THEN! This feeling is way too over-whelming and I knew I was going to say many things that I really would never recover from so I end the phone conversation! (man divorce, even 30+ years after it's over can be ugly!) I ended it, but there was a third party interjection I couldn't control!

After I had time to think, I would liked to have said:

T, I'm sorry that I forgot about the little verbal incident we had last summer when A was telling me about her day at your house and a conversation that she heard at dinner and then repeated to me because she thought it was funny and wanted to share with ME, 1,000 miles away.  As I  recall, A was bubbly during our converstaion with love in her voice; and you interrupted her to "tell" her [very rudly as I might add] that she doesn't need to tell everything that happens in your house, in turn making her cry and ruining our sweet little connection!   I know you didn't like me telling you i didn't appreciate you telling her she couldn't tell me what was going on there, like it is a secret as flames shot out of my head!  Sorry you are missing out on two of the most wonderful children walking this planet!